With Forgiveness: The Art of Forgiving, How to Forgive and be Forgiven

Reflections on Forgiveness ( 650 words)
by Susyn Reeve M.Ed.

As the 2nd Anniversary of WITH Forgiveness approaches, on September 11th, I’ve been reflecting on the ways my experience of forgiveness has deepened and expanded during the past two years. Here are some of my thoughts:

I recently noticed, when I was asked about forgiveness, that my thoughts automatically centered on what I am for giving. Quite simply I am for giving love, compassion and kindness. Usually when you focus on forgiveness your attention is captured by a situation or circumstance from the past that activates an experience of anger, resentment and emotional pain. In the midst of this pain your ego-mind is running the show and judgment is in high gear. In these moments you are for giving anger, hurt, disappointment, self-righteous, resentment, betrayal – since the thoughts you are thinking generate those feelings. Ask yourself, Have I ever really solved problems from this state of mind? I certainly haven’t. So during the 1st week of this month declare what you are for giving and then notice if your thoughts and feelings are a reflection of what you desire. If not, become aware of what you’re thinking, and if it doesn’t support your desires, then have a new thought that does.

Forgiving is not condoning. I have repeatedly heard clients tell me that if they forgive someone for a past hurt that they will be condoning the unacceptable behavior of the other person. This became so very evident during a conversation I had with a workshop participant. She told me that her husband had been involved in an extramarital relationship. She was afraid that if she forgave him that he would then think that it was okay for him to have an affair in the future. So she held on to her anger long after his affair had ended and ultimately nourished the disconnection she felt in her marriage. It is crucial to remember that when you forgive you are freeing your heart and mind from thoughts that result in on-going pain and disappointment. It is through the practice of forgiveness that we expand and deepen our capacity for unconditional love, compassion and kindness to all beings. So during 2nd week of this month make a forgiveness list. On your list include who you are forgiving, what you are forgiving them for and what you want to be giving them instead of your fury. Then take action to reflect your commitment to forgiveness. Judgments are a reminder that I am forgetting the presence of the divine in all of creation. Making judgments is a function of our ego-mind that divides and separates. When I see all of creation with the sense of wonder that I feel in the presence of a newborn, seeing the full moon rise on a dark night, listening to the sound of the ocean as it meets the shore, I then nourish my capacity to give and receive love. So during 3rd week of this month say Namaste, aloud or silently, whenever your greet someone – including when you see yourself in the mirror. This ancient Sanskrit word means: I bow to the divine in you. (click here to see a Namaste video)

Being forgiving is a choice. While you may feel helpless and powerless in the face of emotional misery, pain and suffering it is important to be aware and remember that all of your experience is based on your point of view, your beliefs, your expectations and your judgments. When you are awake to what you’re thinking and feeling you can then choose the thoughts that bring peace to your mind, love to your heart and kindness to your actions. So, during the 4th week of this month say aloud each morning, I choose to be forgiving. And during the day, if you notice yourself feeling angry, agitated, worried or miserable again declare, I choose to be forgiving, and notice the impact of your choice.

With all my love, Susyn

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Susyn Reeve M.Ed. and Sheri Rosenthal DPM are co-authors of WITH Forgiveness - Are You Ready? and co-creators of the WITH Forgiveness program at www.withforgivenessmovie.com. They both enjoy giving workshops, lectures and taking folks on spiritual journeys (you can see them at www.journeysofthespirit.com ), and being extremely happy! You can reach them at www.withforgiveness.com.